I may not be the most truthworthy person you know but what about you?

Baby you know I'm not very good with words, do not assume what I mean, not like you'll see this but if you do, please, tell me, let me know and let me explain. Please.

We had one scare before, remember? You said, you'll be here and you'll take care of me if anything were to go wrong. I was glad that I found someone who's willing to give up everything and to take care of me. But it's young and naive love, ain't it.

I do not know if my period is late or what, but it got me thinking. What if another girl came along and you just go off running again? Baby, lies you said, you didn't even blink when you tell them to me. You told me, k was after we broke up. Haha, amazing what you can find online uh. February 6th, her blog. Nice picture. You came back, but did you come back because she left or is it because you really love me? Because baby, I gave up all of those for you, you dislike it when I text or contact them, so I stop. Yes, I have hurt you before, I don't intend to do that anymore. Can you say the same? What if something goes wrong and my period don't come? I don't think I want that because I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone I can't trust and don't trust me. Things you said, now I'm questioning all of it. I want you, don't get me wrong, but I'm afraid of what will come if I don't say anything. All those times I trusted you, I never ever checked your phone, never forced you to tell me where you were and who you were with, and what I have in return? I really want to trust you and believe everything will be okay, but every time I voice my thoughts, you make me sound stupid and ridiculous, am I? Baby, I'm scared, shaking and alone, I don't dare to tell you because you'll make me sound stupid and all of my worries are nonsense. Why have you never assured me that it's gonna be okay, because it not gonna be okay? I don't understand. Will you tell me, all the lies you ever told me. I don't know what to think anymore and you hate it so i don't know what to do and I don't even understand anything anymore. I dare say, when we were in a relationship, I did not lie. And after, once in awhile, my whereabouts were untruthful but it was truth most of the time. Whenever I tell you, I miss you or I love you, I mean it, look it my eyes when I say it, you'll know I mean it. Fuck, now I cannot sleep because I know I'll wake up with a nightmare and all you would say is, dreams are fake. Did you know how many nightmares you were in? No, you are not the nightmare, is who you were with and what you did to me. It scares me like hell, and the number of times I've thought of doing stupid things, the number scares me. And now, I do not know what's coming for us but I'm trying my best to treasure all the time we have together, it may not seem like it but I am, believe me. I'm quite torned up when you said your watch was stolen, I worked for that money, for your 21st birthday present, there's nothing you can do about it but you don't even look sad. I know we'll never be how we were before all of this drama but I really really hope and wish we can. I'm afraid one day, the only reason why we even meet is because we have a responsibility, our guinea pigs.