why cant they just see it?
they are getting worst.
so many things to show.
just why cant they see it?
they are getting far worst then before.
well, sometimes i could just break down.
so many times i feel like crying.
but sob to who?
who is willing to lend me their shoulder?
it's such a heavy burden.
then who get the blame in the end?
i scold them, i kanna scolding.
if i dun scold, i also kanna scolding.
i feel so stress you know.
well i guess you dun.
well, to elle; i know you will blame me for not telling you.
but, i dunno how to tell you.
sometimes, i also wanna have fun.
well, hey! im 14 this year.
i know im not old enough.
but i know my limits.
so i know wat time to go home.
wat to do and wat not to do.
i know you guys are busy.
busy surpporting the family.
i also know elle busy working.
and it's not that she dun want to spend time with us.
she dun even have time.
please, how long will it go on like that.
one day you will see me break down.
well, through, i look strong im not.
why people only care for those who like weak.
how about the so-called strong ones?
they might think im old enough to takecare of myself.
well, now i tell you , i wanna be a small kid again.
i want you guys to tug me into bed.
it's very difficult know.
i bet you dont know.
sometimes i also wish to be those pk~
who rebels.
and dun listen, but can i do that?
like those who can pon cca anything they wan to.
and reach home however last they want.
well, in this family i cant.
i have to look after my brothers.
and my sister is to busy.
well, i just need someone to lend me their shoulder to cry,
whenever i needed too.
if they dun do their work, they scold me.
if they dun eat, they scold me as well.
if the food is not finish they will nag at me.
if the house is unclean they scold me.
if the clothes are not ironed they ask me why in a very angry tone.
but they ask me?
those few questions

• eat already?
• do homework already?
• wat your brother doing?
• they eat already?

well, THE FACT IS I dun like to go home.
i hate this heavy burden.
i got my own studies also.
i got streaming this year lei.
is scolding the only things you know how to do?
sometimes i would like to have fun too.
wat happen to our happy&fun family?
where people used to get jealous when i say i going out with family.
well. im not sure to be happy to go home or sad.
that day one last day of chinese new year, me and elle.
we were walking home.
at the coffee shop, we saw families having dinner.
she told me, we are like abandon kids.
i told her we should not think that way.
but now, i cant help by thinking that way.
when was the last time we sat down and watch a movie together at home?
laughing and joking like we did?
when was the last time we had supper together?
fighting over the food we wanna eat?
when was the last time when you walk in the home,
it's not 'empty'?
cos of i can see that you are busy.
i know you cannot do anything about it.
but can you not pressure me?
i kinda feel very stress now.
well, now people change again.
there is so many things im afraid of now.
the first few things are

1. im afiraid to disappoint them.
2. and also afraid to disappoint noelle.

well i think i should stop, so i can off the 'tap'
shall continue tomrrow if i got time..

with much loove ,
LOVE SYBIL .